trying to figure out how to live my life as carefree i used to; so far i’m coming up empty.
i’m not letting myself become discouraged just yet.

i haven’t wrote in here in awhile but considering that world of warcraft is down for maintenance on tuesday mornings i found myself with a bit of free time (:

a lot of exciting things have been happening lately while at the same time a lot of things are changing.

i want to talk about my sister for a minute. my sister and i didn’t always get along as well as we do now. in fact, when we lived in new york my mom used to pay us daily to not fight or hurt each other. now that we’ve grown up a little and saw what it was like to live without each other for awhile we have grown to appreciate each other as a best friend and someone that is actually fun to spend time with.
lately however i have been kind of sad with the choices claire is making. needless to say i’ve definitely had my fair share of times with marijuana, my times were when i was much older than fourteen and usually took place in an environment where i knew i was safe. for over the past year of my life i have been fighting to keep my relationship with travis away from marijuana, it destroyed the bigger part of our time together. it stopped being fun and started being scary, offensive, and a burden. after a year of tears, lies, and hurt travis and i have never been at a better place in our relationship or probably our lives in general.
yesterday my parents started catching on to how out of control with this claire is really getting. one of her friends dads showed up on the porch with a bag of bongs and told us then when he confronted his daughter about it she ran away. he wanted to know if she was here (which unfortunately she wasn’t). out of curiosity my parents rushed off to walgreens to buy a drug test and find out what is really going on with claire. they asked me to be in the bathroom with her while she took the test to make sure she wasn’t going to try anything stupid.
while we were in the bathroom together she broke down into tears, begging me to take the test for her. she knew if she was caught doing this for the second time she would be grounded all summer and not get to do any of the things she had been planning with her friends. as many times as claire has covered for me and helped me out i couldn’t do this one for her. i felt awful seeing her in the bathroom panicking and watching her summer go up in smoke but in reality it is not my fault. after going through a year of this type of problem i just couldn’t go through it again with claire… so i let her suffer the consequences. of course she failed the test, and now risks loosing her summer trip, phone, and computer among other things.
i know she isn’t speaking to me right now but i hope that she can find it in her heart to understand where i am coming from and we can trust each other again one day.

on a bit happier note… travis is officially living in the bressette house again! WOO WOO! (: i love having him here and it’s even better this time than the last time. we are both over two months sober and looking for new jobs. i’m still at pho viet for the time being but if a better job comes along i am definitely interested (: tomorrow i’m going to ACC to talk to the adviser about registering for my classes at the fall for nursing. i finally feel like everything is falling into place for my future and i couldn’t be any happier or any more in love. (: speaking of which i have to leave for work in thirty minutes so it’s time to wake travis up for a smoke and kiss <3333

is my last friday night shift at pho viet :D
bring it on.

what about taking this empty cup and filling it up with a little bit more of innocence.

just because i’m happy doesn’t mean i have to smile.
and just because i smile doesn’t mean i’m happy.

i’ve heard it’s pretty good.

i have had such an amazing week and ending it off by going to cirque du soleil with travis to celebrate our two year anniversary was perfect. 
i feel kind of torn because now that a new week is starting i’ve realized that i can totally choose to have another week like this one, and half of me thinks that’s a great idea but the other half of me knows that things definitely have to change. for example this week travis and i have been smoking together a lot but now with court coming up he really has to stop messing around and start working on his community service hours and getting clean. i know that i personally have no reason to stop if i don’t want to but i have to be supportive of travis and help him and i feel like that is a lot easier to do if i am sober as well. plus i’ve noticed how i’ve been flying through money this week and i really don’t like it. as much as i love love love going on long ass car rides all over austin with travis and mary jane the gas is kind of an issue right now. we’ve been flying through it in my car and with the amount of traveling i do between my house, work, and hutto as it is i can’t keep flying through gas. but see that’s why i’m torn, i could live forever in those car rides and never get bored. i love listening to the music turned all the way up, having all the windows down smoking a cigarette, holding trav’s hand and kissing his cheek at the red light. my favorite drive that we do is when we take spicewood to 2222 and take that all through downtown. it’s so pretty and each step of the drive takes you through a completely different area. we’ll have to see what happens next but i hope all the changes that are made turn up for the best. maybe a little down time will be good for us.